A “High Value” Woman
This is the first article I have written for almost a year.
I have a busy job which I adore, a newly rescued dog and I am working on my master’s degree. My new best friend is a pack of index cards which I can make lists on lists from. This week I was doing some internet research for a paper I am writing for school; and I stumbled across Tony Robbins YouTube channel.
While his material can be very inspirational, it can also be intimidating; especially to people like me who don’t happen to have their whole act together.
My kids barely see me, I stumble with my relationships, get very protective of alone time and say the wrong thing at the wrong time, more often than being insightful.
listening to two of his podcasts, another one popped up on my playlist (if this is what they are still called), by another speaker called “Becoming a High Value Woman.” YIKES!! I didn’t even know this was a “thing.” I have been so upset by this term for the past 24 hours; that I wanted to share my feelings about this dangerous concept.
I am a mother, daughter, sister, friend and pet caretaker. I would think that by this definition alone I would “qualify” as a “high value” woman. I enjoy my life on some days, and I spend many Friday nights complaining to friends about the “missed boats” and relationships I ruined from my head-strong attitude and lack of finesse in many cases.
There was a time I was cocky. There was a time I was proud. There was a time I was magical or beautiful. There were also just as many times I was tired, depressed, stressed, anxious, humbled, thrown up on, abandoned and left unsatisfied. For most of my life, I have given much more than I have received from others, and I don’t feel there is anything wrong with this.
I was not raised with a silver spoon in my mouth or in a “mcTollBrothers” mansion. I spent my 12th birthday living in a teepee on a commune in New Mexico. Being of “high value” was the last way I would have described myself then.
While crying myself to sleep night after night, I wanted to be “normal” over rich or successful. I wanted to fit in and be accepted. I wanted to matter, not feel invisible or worse, DIFFERENT than my peers.
I was too shy, too smart, not physically fit, not cool, not sophisticated, and not “high value” by anyone’s standards except maybe my Grandmother’s. I am proud to say I did have honesty, integrity, kindness, compassion, creativity and strength, but I was and continue to not be any of the bullets on the following list:
1. A high value woman is passionate and in love with life — I become overly emotional, stressed out and depressed more often than passionate or in love with life. I am “in love” with my pets, but “in love with life” is stretching it a lot. My kids rarely call me, my friends are busy, and most of the time I am giving myself the fist pumps at work or school for accomplishing something exciting or impossible.
2. A high value woman displays vulnerability — if crying in movies and yelling at my kids for forgetting my birthday and being passive-aggressive with my brother for not being direct is “vulnerable” than I guess I display it. I would say, most of the time I spend alone because I tend to say too much of what is on my mind, and that is not always well received. I am WORKING on this (see below).
3. A high value woman understands that she cannot change anyone but herself — I finally understand that I can’t change MYSELF and I spent much of my life trying to be someone I was not. I wanted to fit in and make other people happy, so I put on a mask, a costume and a super hero cape. I gave up trying to change myself into a “high value” woman and now just accept my imperfections as well as my loved one’s imperfections for what they are. Colors and textures are beautiful in life.
4. A high value woman does not play hard to get, but she is easy to lose — hard to get? As if!! I would say this is more a recruiting or sales negotiating tactic than a characteristic for a person who has given up drama to spend more time with her pets. My dog knows I will get up in the middle of my favorite movie to take him out to go to the bathroom; so, he would be the first one to tell you “hard to get” is the furthest thing from my mind most of the time. Hard to find is more accurate.
5. A woman of high value expresses her feelings freely — I guess “a penny for your thoughts” wouldn’t qualify me for this bullet point, right? Can anyone be truly free with their expressions or thoughts outside of our pets (who are probably thinking some very rude comebacks to our complaints)? I am learning NOT to say everything I am thinking and listen first (two ears — one mouth). I keep many thoughts to myself, and question if it is necessary to say out loud what I am thinking? I don’t believe in hurting people’s feelings anymore unless they need to grow; or they are hurting someone else and then tact goes a long way.
6. A woman of high value lives in the now — A woman with nothing to plan for or people to take care of can live in the now. She doesn’t have a job, kids, parents, grocery shopping, budgets, birthday parties, college educations to plan for or lists on top of lists to check off. Graduate Students don’t fall into THIS category.
7. A woman of high value understands that men have preferences as well — of course men have preferences and so do pets and children. Every human has a different definition of what “high value” looks like to them. I am sure there is a lumberjack, 18-wheel driver or a guy on an oil rig somewhere not wanting a woman to “express her feelings freely,” unless she comes with a six pack of beer and a cheese steak with extra fried onions.
8. A woman of high value knows when to let go and block — This entire article is written because I am not good at letting go or blocking (whatever that means). I am attached, persistent, loyal, forgiving and take back friends and family into my life who don’t deserve it, but I do it because I love them.
All living creatures are “high value” in my opinion. I don’t believe any one is better than another, we are just different and can learn to accept and appreciate our flaws along side of our treasures. Each one of us is someone’s son, daughter, mother, father, sister, brother, pet caretaker, or friend. THAT is of value to me and I hope others can agree.
Originally published at https://www.linkedin.com.